I recently linked up with an old friend whom I had not seen in almost 10 years. As you know catching up with friends delves into all aspects of life. From family, work, relationships to business and the list is endless. Tell you what, it was refreshing just see her and to hear what has been happening in her life. Those who know me well know that I love my tea… and this catch up time needed some Rooibos tea and some homemade scones with the cream, jam and cheese toping. Hmm just what the doctor prescribed for me.
Enough of that, whilst we were catching up we got talking about relationships. Oooh boy! You know I do not write about relationships and all, but what the hell, no more holding back so here goes. As I said in the beginning my friend and I haven’t seen each other for almost 10 years if not more. Meaning, along the way there may have been break-ups, make-ups and new love bluh bluh bluh. However, hold on to your seat the scoop today is about breakups.
My friend sipped her tea and held onto the cup for quite a while…
The first thing that came out of her mouth after that was, “breakups are hard” and then she laughed hard with tears running down her pink cheeks. I looked at her and thinking to myself that’s absolutely true. Because you don’t just break up with the person you breakup with that person’s world, and the memories you shared together.
Anyway, my friend then continued to say… when does it stop though?! She said I thought breakups were hard as an 18 year old, but they are even worse as an adult because no one thinks of the expiration date of the relationship if there is such even.
As an adult sometimes your friends and family suddenly become relationship experts or rather breakup experts telling you about how they dealt with theirs. They bombard you with good and bad advice, what worked for them with the expectation that it will work for you too…all that unsolicited advice. Some will tell you that to get over a man you have to get under a new one and all; some even obsess about “your” breakup and make executive decisions about how you should blacklist the person and live as if that person was never a part of your life.
The truth is breakups are different from individual to individual. And how other people deal with theirs is absolutely different from how you once dealt with yours. I’m no relationship expert but I have dated, gotten dumped have done some dumping myself and yes, I agree with my friend, based on experience, breakups are hard.
What got me fired up to write this is, how people are so willing to give advice they do not/ would not use for themselves. How they will tell you not to call your ex, while they are calling theirs every night. How they openly say I will not drop one more tear for that looser while they are crying a river every chance they get. Let’s not pretend…the truth is breakups never get old, they just get better with time sometime although sometimes it never does.
Well, before I start rumbling… Allow people to go through their breakup, unravel and the pain of letting go however they choose to. Not to say the advice offered to them is not necessary but you cannot control how people deal with their emotions regardless of how soon we expect them to get back up after a breakup. The books, prayers and advice are all comforting but healing is a separate journey on its own.